If anyone needs insurance, it’s me — a 200-year-old man (give or take a few decades) who drives a sleigh at high altitudes, works with livestock and is responsible for hundreds of tiny employees working with sharp tools. So about 100 years ago, I sat down with a Frankenmuth Insurance agent and got the business and myself some comprehensive coverage.
First of all, coverage for fire damage is a must at my workshop and castle. Christmas is not just the most wonderful time of the year, it’s the most flammable. We’ve got chestnuts roasting on open fires, elves learning how to make the latest tech toys, Rudolph’s nose shorting out, and so on. Last year we had a claim after Mrs. Claus fell asleep with a batch of cookies in the oven, and Frankenmuth Insurance took care of it almost as fast as I fill a stocking (7.6 billion stockings in one night — you do the math).
I have a commercial property policy on all my buildings and machinery. Even the best equipment wears out every century or so. And if you think it’s hard to get someone to your house to fix the dishwasher, try getting a repairman out to the North Pole. Talk about overtime.
Of course, I also want to make sure Mrs. Claus and the elves are taken care of, so I got a good life insurance policy. I’m a pretty hearty fellow, but you never know what can happen when you’re riding in an open sleigh. Last year we had a run-in with a satellite over Seattle and just missed the Space Needle. And don’t get me started about how many bugs I’ve caught from sniffly kids sitting on my lap. There’s just not enough hand sanitizer in the world.
But with Frankenmuth Insurance looking out for me, my family and my workshop, I can forget all these worries and focus on what I love doing most: making people happy.
I wish all of you the merriest and safest holiday season. Remember to be nice, not naughty, and leave your pal Santa cookies and milk. (But no skim milk, please. Do I look like a man who drinks skim milk?)